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“Avoid using cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs as alternatives to being an interesting person.”
~ Marilyn vos Savant

Have you ever heard someone talk about alcohol as ’personality in a bottle’? Or say that they are more funny, or better at flirting or dancing when they are drunk? That’s outsourcing. We are attributing how we feel inside to something outside of us. With cannabis, it is less common, but still happens plenty.

We act like it is the alcohol that knows the jokes or the dance moves.   We act is if a substance miraculously grants us previously absent skills. That’s not what happens.

When someone describes a substance as making them feel “whole”, “loved” or “comfortable in my skin”- those are flags for addiction. It does not mean they are guaranteed to have a problem, but as humans, if that’s the only time they feel good, they are going to want to do it all the time.

In a less intense way, when someone feels like a substance makes them   a better version of themselves (insert ‘happy’, ‘relaxed’, ‘funnier’, etc) then they are likely to want to use that drug for those reasons. This is something worth paying attention to in ourselves.

The problem with outsourcing is that the drug gets all the credit. We end up thinking that alcohol made us funny, or cannabis made us insightful.  We think that we are better when altered and it diminishes our self-worth.

But those are your jokes, your thoughts, and your dance moves. The substance just gave you an excuse (and therefore, the confidence) to try them. You deserve the credit. Own what’s yours. Stop outsourcing.

“Knowing others is wisdom; knowing yourself is enlightenment.”
~ Lao Tzu

This is a warning for all you cynical people out there: I’m about to say some things that may be affirming.

As a counselor, I’ve talked with hundreds of people. The more I do, the more I come to respect people. We all make mistakes. (In fact, some of us do a lot of dumb things.) But it is rare to find a person motivated by evil. Hearing people’s stories means witnessing struggle and strength.  

You should know your own story. You should see your strengths and struggles. Yet many of us are more disconnected from ourselves than is healthy. That is no accident. There are systems in this world designed to create disconnection: patriarchy, supremacy, poverty, etc.

However, the hard truth is that it is on us to see and fight those systems. And it is on you to discover and love yourself.

Life can be exhausting. People may use substances as a way to escape. Some substances whisper escape; others scream it. And at first, with moderation, drugs can be an escape. But misuse is always a trap.    Misuse recreates the systems and cycles that disconnect people from themselves and others. Avoid misuse. Do the work of knowing yourself. You are worth it.

“Any time someone gives you drugs, the purpose is to subdue. Always. Whether it is from a dealer, a friend, your mother or your government.”
~ Northern Adams

I’ll never forget this particular conversation that I had with a student. She talked about why she loved being high: it allowed her to escape into the dream version of her life, which her real life was so far from. As a child of immigrants who sacrificed so much, she felt an obligation to fulfill their dreams for her life. Getting high was her escape from their life path that she felt stuck on.

I could see the pressure of her situation and had no problem understanding why she would want cannabis’ escape. Then she shared her conflict: she was beginning to realize that cannabis’ temporary relief made her current path just bearable enough, which allowed her to avoid the harder path towards her actual dreams.

Being high allows some people to live in their own private world. Some of this is OK. But too much, too often, feeds disconnection. There is a difference between relief and self-medication: it’s the timing.

If life has made someone walk across hot coals, let’s not judge them for using medication afterwards to tend to their wounded feet. But if someone is still standing on the hot coals, the misuse of medication will decrease their ability to find a way off.

I’m not suggesting that your life- or your feet- are on fire, but for some people, this is real. No judgement from this end, but consider the degree to which cannabis (or any drug or behavior) is aiding you in the pursuit of your dreams, or subduing you with false escape.

Gonna keep on tryin'
Till I reach my highest ground.
~ Stevie Wonder

Infinity exists in multiple directions. There is the infinitely large, and the infinitely small. An infinity above, and an infinity below.

Below us is the earth. Our roots stretch out and anchor us. They grow and connect us to others. Above us is the sky. Our hearts and minds can reach up and connect us to an infinity above.

Do you believe in that infinity?

(Forgive me if not. Many folks believe in some version of that infinity: the energy around us, God, or spirits. I am not assuming that because you use cannabis and were interested in a tolerance break, that what you really want is a guide to enlightenment. But it is worth addressing here since there is a power in connecting to something greater than ourselves.)

This theme isn’t so much about cannabis. It is more about you and the connection to something inside, above, and all around you. Your connection to this infinity is well worth contemplating:

• When do you feel most connected?
• Is there space in your life for quiet and reflection?
• What activities and relationships support you in this?

“I don’t care about anyone not liking me,
you bitches barely like yourselves”
~ Cardi B

Yesterday’s theme of connecting up was a bit metaphysical. Today’s theme is more grounded.

We need connection to the people around us. Those connections are roots that feed us, anchor us, and secure us in a storm. We grow connected to the people who are there for us when we need them.

Cannabis is one way to make connections to other people. But how can we know the difference between real friends and weed friends?

If those connections grow beyond cannabis and become grounded in something deeper, then those are true friends. If those connections do not grow past the cannabis, then those are weed friends.

Take a look at your friendships. Do you hang out with people who don’t use cannabis? Consider how you spend time with your friends who do. If you do lots of things together- talk about lots of things, and just sometimes get high together… those are likely real friends. However, if you mostly get high together- talk about how high you are, how high you’ve been, and the next time you’ll get high… those are weed friends.

Who have you felt connected to during this t-break? That should give you some sense of who is truly there for you. Use that info.

“Tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.”
~ Malcolm X

Almost there.

With this reset, it is the perfect moment to consider your future relationship with cannabis. Stoned you just wants to be stoned. Part of clear you may want that too! But part may want change. Perhaps you just want balance.

Balancing your weed use has something to do with ‘amount’ and ‘frequency’. Balance is achieved when we are able to know- and act on- what is enough. That might mean stopping once you are high enough.    It might mean skipping days. It almost always means using less than you could. And that’s where balance is found: when you can be comfortable not partaking, you are better able to enjoy partaking.

What has weed taught you about yourself and the world? Some people feel like there is more ahead in their weed journey. Others feel like they have learned all they are going to learn.

What next? What was your original purpose?

• If it was to reduce your tolerance… you’ve done it.
• If it was to see if you could do it… you’ve done it.
• If it was to see how you felt without THC- well… how do you feel?

(If it was to get clean for a pee-test…you are likely good, but if you were a heavy daily partaker- you might need five weeks to be completely safe. The exact science still eludes us.)

It is probably a good idea to make t-breaks part of your routine: a weekend every month, or a month every year. As a community I hope we come to promote this aspect of balance. 

Take a moment to plan your next break now.

“You who see, go tell the others”
–Audre Lorde

Congrats. You’ve taken a successful T-Break!

Give yourself some credit for doing this. (Like…not too much credit: you took a tolerance break, you didn’t save the whales.) But for real- it is not easy to do.  Well done.

How’d it go? Were there themes in this guide that helped? Were there some that fell flat? Revisit themes that might have been a hit or miss. Are they still?

Lastly, consider what you want next for yourself regarding cannabis. You have the skills to make it happen. You just did the hardest part.

I’d be grateful to hear about your experience: tom.fontana@uvm.edu

And before you partake, take a look at the ‘Tips and Resources.’

Be well.

~Tom

If your break is now done

 Please keep a few things in mind before you partake. T-breaks work and your tolerance is now lower. Make sure that you…

• start low and go slow: cut back by half or more
• know that you have the skills to take a successful tolerance break
• plan to take breaks periodically

If you are keeping it going

Here are a few ideas and resources…

• If you’ve liked the routine of daily practice you might either start this over or open to random pages. For a community of people taking a break, check out on reddit
• If you are considering stopping cannabis completely check out . For a community of people who abstain, check out an MA meeting or
• If you like seeing your numbers check out the .  It counts your t-break time and shows the money you saved.

Thank You...

This guide would not be possible without the insight, editing, and support of so many people, most especially, the students who have shared their stories and experience: BC, KP, BD, SL, MB, MK, AT, MW, SK, JS, CH, CS, AW, BP, EP, BL, AC, GI, GO, RJ, JF. Special editing thanks to student and star Kaisy Wheeler- you have a gift. (And you hate when I start a sentence with “and.”) Thank you to colleagues in the field, who have been generous in spirit and mind: Amelia Arria, Brian Bowden, Diane Fedorchak, Peter Jackson, Jason Kilmer, Nancy Reynolds, Peter Rives. The idea for this format came from the Student Well-Being Center at Notre Dame. Thanks ND. And thank you to ����̽̽ and to my co-workers in the Center for Health and Wellbeing's Education and Outreach team for supporting this work. Y’all are kick ass awesome.